I apologize if there is so many typos but I am typing laying on my back inverted with a pillow under my neck to prop the laptopp against the hosipital table. Yes, we're in the hospital with no real check out date in site. Here's what happened.
Wednesday and Thursday I was having a lot of discharge. I didn't think much of it because discharge is normal in pregnancy. It was a bit odd considering I hadn't had much of any discharge so far. Friday morning when I sat up from bed a bunch of thick discharge started pumping out of me. It was about a quarter cup. So to be cautious I got my folder of numbers out for the OB and they told me to come in so they can check me before the weekend.
Mike ended up driving me to the wrong office which I pouted about while we waited for 2 hours to be fit in. In a way it was sorta lucky that we ended up at that office because the doctor was there and I was only going to be seen by a nurse at the other office. So when we were finally called back the doc did a speculum exam and immediately stopped it after a few seconds and told me to get dressed. It scared me beyond belief, but Mike said it's probably nothing. He came back in and sat down and told me he saw a bag of water. I lost it immediately. I knew what that meant and it wasn't anything good. Mike and I were moved to the waiting room to wait for an ultrasound and thank god there wasn't anyone in there because I shaking a crying uncontrollably. It was the hardest thing to pull myself together because I suddenly realized how fragile I was at that point and any sort of stress would make things worse.
When they did the ultrasound the saw that my cervix was open and the amniotic sac of baby A was "hour glassing" out. Both babies had sufficient amniotic fluid regardless of the situation. The doctor then sent us to be admitted to the hospital and wait to see a specialist on Monday. I was immediately placed on a bed in an inverted position on my back to keep anything from further coming out of the cervix. I was given a catheter because I'm not allowed up. I'm on meds to stop contractions if they start. They have been treating me on antibotics to prevent an infection in my uterus. If no infection had developed by Monday I was going to be transferred to a hospital in Orlando where the specialist would evaluate me and decide whether or not he could perform a rescue serclauge. Unfortunately we descovered there is most likey a tear in Aubrey's amniotic sac because I have a tiny bit of fluid come out every so often. They had the fluid tested and it was positive for amniotic fluid.
The next day they did another ultrasound and saw that nothing had really changed except that my cervix had opened more and Aubrey's head was very close the opening. They did all their measurements at that time as well. It was the hardest thing to see. Mike had to walk away cause he couldn't even watch. The worst part was when she said "what beautiful spines they have." It was completely heartbreaking to see two perfect babies alive and doing well with no idea of the situation.
After that Doctor Winger came in and told us what our options were. He said that if the sac was to break I would go into labor and at 18 weeks Aubrey would die. They are not viable outside of the womb until 24, and that's weeks in the NICU without any gaurantees of survival. He said I could abort one or both because there was a risk of infection and that could kill me. He said I could possibly deliver Aubrey and if I was stable with Mikey for 48 hours they could possibly perform a cerclauge on the cervix and maybe, chances are slim, but I could keep him. Regardless of the choice and outcome I will be in the hospital on my back for the rest of the pregnancy. Dr Winger told me if I wanted to stand up I could and the amniotic fluid would most likely leak out until the sac burst and I went into labor. Trying not to lose control of my emotions I asked him "do I have to stand up?" He told me no, that I could just lay here and see what happens. I asked him if it was possible that I somehow manage to stay stable with both sacs intact for 6 weeks if there would be hope. He said yes, if I was able to keep both babies until 24 weeks they would transfer me to the Orlando hospital with the NICU. He didn't bullshit me, he told me it would be a rare case...that he's never heard or seen something like that happening, but it is possible. I asked him if the amniotic sac could heal up (we had been reading success stories online of sacs healing on their own.) He said that it is possible for the sac to heal if it's small tear, or for me to keep replenishing the small amount I'm losing by loading up on the fluids. I told him this is our plan. I'm not giving up.
So it is Monday and no change from the outside we can see. Mike has been taking care of me; bathing me, doing morning and nighttime massage circulation on the entirety of my backside to avoid blood clots. He's been my everything right now. For a moment while he was bathing me in my bed I felt a bit guilty. I told him later that I love him very much and I did feel guilty that he's taking such good care of me, but I don't feel guilty anymore because I know it's none of it is for me, it's for the babies. And we both laughed when he confirmed my theory.
I have been talking to Aubrey. She knows that she needs to stay in there. I told her to stay up in there right next to Mikey cause it's not safe for her out here. I know she can hear me in my mind because I've felt a close connection to both of them this entire pregnancy. I'm sure of the fact that they both can hear my thoughts and will listen.
Our goal right now is to make it intact to July 22nd. If that's the case our doctor will most likely move us around the second week of July to the other hospital.
At this point I would do anything for them. I'm on a million drugs, my head is pounding, I can hardly sleep on my own, I feel the worst I've ever felt in my life, but I would do this forever to have both of them. I don't want one baby, I want both. This is our plan....I have no other plan that doesn't involve having both babies or falling apart for the rest of my life. I guess some could say that eventually I would just need to let go, but I simply can't. Not when there is still hope.
I'm grateful to all of the nursing staff and doctors who have taken care of Aubrey, Mikey, and myself. I take back everything negative I have ever said about modern medicine. Sometimes it's completely necessary.
I'm sorry I won't be able to keep updating everyone on what is going on. It took me 5 hours just to write this because I can hardly breath the way I'm laying and I can't get too excited cause my contraction line starts bouncing. Mike is keeping in touch with family and that is about all we can do to update at this time. I appreciate everyone's thoughts and prayers. Love you all.
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